


Close your eyes

by son_c



Category: Station 19 (TV)
Genre: F/F, F/M, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-08-06
Updated: 2019-12-28
Packaged: 2020-08-10 20:36:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 6
Words: 8,540
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20141626
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/son_c/pseuds/son_c
Summary: Hi guys, son_c here, I may have commented on your works before I got an archive account as just Son, and this is my first fic. Hope you like it.Lucas wakes up after a tragic death in the afterlife, alone, and in a state of confusion and pain. He can't believe he left his Eggy, his Victoria and is actually dead. Thankfully, a few familiar faces are there to comfort and guide him through this emotional experience. At 19, Vic is grieving the loss of the love of her life and the team are doing all they can to ease the pain.Fast forward around 10 years, and Vic and Travis are in a structure fire with no way out. Is it time they joined the people they love in the afterlife?





	1. Close your eyes

**Author's Note:**

  * For [inqwex](https://archiveofourown.org/users/inqwex/gifts), [JudoAly](https://archiveofourown.org/users/JudoAly/gifts), [moreorles](https://archiveofourown.org/users/moreorles/gifts), [madnephelite](https://archiveofourown.org/users/madnephelite/gifts), [obs3ss1ons](https://archiveofourown.org/users/obs3ss1ons/gifts), [fandommatchmaker19](https://archiveofourown.org/users/fandommatchmaker19/gifts).

> I've gifted this fic to a few writers who's stories were super memorable for me/I really loved and felt inspired by, but I must say every writer in this fandom is really talented.

The first thing he notices when he wakes up is his heart. It feels heavy and a little uncomfortable. Then he takes in his surroundings. He's in her bedroom, where they spent so much time together, and secretly his favourite out of their two places. He looks down at himself, and observes he's in uniform, and it's only then he realises the room is set for that night. The 'I love you' night. His favourite night. But the most important thing is missing. Victoria. Why isn't she here? Was this a dream? 'Open your damn eyes, Luke. This is getting weird.' He wills himself but it's not happening. Just let the dream do it's thing he guesses. 

The strangest thing happens next. He doesn't think he'll ever forget it. A dark skinned, messy-haired, spunky young woman he doesn't know rushes up to him and barricades him in a hug before he can even speak.   
"Luke! I'm so sorry. It's okay. You're here now." she whispers into him and he lifts his head to see who on earth she is. He sees her eyes, and he has no words. 

After a good 2 minutes of silence, he finally speaks, "Claire?"   
"Yes, Lucas, it's me." His best friend's supposedly dead wife replies. 'This is a really odd dream' he thinks to himself.   
"I know that right now you are confused beyond imagination and hurting so much you can barely breathe so I'm going to give you a few more seconds. Try hard to remember." And that's when his heart breaks because he does. He remembers. Before he's aware of it there are tears in his eyes and a sort of wail escapes from his lips. He thinks it's killing him, but that's impossible because he's already dead. Dead. 

All he can think about is Victoria. His beautiful Vic. His fiancee. He'd left her. How could he do that to her? He loved her so much, so much that the thought of putting her in pain right now is unbearable. He thinks about how much she meant to him. How he wanted to marry her. Grow old with her. Claire drapes her arms around him and holds him whilst he sobs and explains things slowly as he quietens, not from being okay, but from exhaustion.

"This, Luke, is the afterlife. There's no Heaven and Hell, like you believed, we're all on the same level, but the sinful are punished with prisons and community service, and for really bad crimes, slight emotional torture. You were a good person, so you're with me in a good sector. The good people's place is divided into sectors of who would make you the most happy and who is closest to you. You can visit any other sectors, and the prisons." 

Luke's brows furrow as he absorbs all this information, his eyes dry from all the crying. "Who's in our sector? And what do you DO in the afterlife?" His first question is answered as a tall man with light, chesnut-brown hair and gentle, hazel eyes enters the room. "Hey, Chief. How you holding up?" The man frowns as he sees his tear stained cheeks.   
"You're-" The chief's mouth falls open. He must really be dead. This was actually happening.  
"Michael, sir, yes. Montgomery's husband." His eyes fall a little as he mentions his husband "You remember Lieutenant Herrera from 19? Her mother is here also. A few others. And your parents, in their own mini sector."   
"My parents? They're here?" Lucas temporarily forgets himself. He hasn't seen them in so long. It washes over him how much he misses them. "Mum and Dad are here?" He says before he can stop himself. Michael nods, smiling a little, and points to a white door just outside the room. 

He opens it gently, and he gasps. His parents. In the flesh. About 20 years older though. "You're allowed to choose how old you grow." His mother offers by way of explanation, fingering her grey locks. He can't help himself. He throws his arms around her delicate frame. "Mum."   
"Lucas, my son. You were gone too early."   
"Sorry, mum."   
"Don't you dare apologise, Lucas Ripley, I'm so proud of you and what you have become. You died honourably. You raised your little sister on your own.You worked endlessly hard. It took you 3 tries but you found the love of your life. She's gorgeous, by the way. "   
"I did," Luke's lips waver at the mention of her but he smiles slightly. He loves his family so much. Then it occurs to him. "How do you know? About my life?"   
"Later, my boy."His father answers this time, looking at Luke with admiration, "You have done well for yourself, Lucas. Your mother is right - your life was lived greatly." Luke has tears in his eyes, all he's every wanted was for his parents to see and approve of him. "You deserve to live and relax in paradise now." That's his second question partly answered, he guesses. But there must be more. He feels it. He sits on his parents bed, and his mother looks into his blue eyes. "Dying and taking this all in is exhausting, you should sleep for a while, Lucas."   
"I don't want to. I haven't been here long enough yet." He realises how tired he is as he says this and yawns. His mum strokes his hair, "Rest my son, you have forever." He lays back and closes his eyes. 

His temporary pain relief from seeing his parents is gone and as he dreams of Victoria it hurts him, and he wishes she was here.


	2. The Dome

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Luke discovers more in the afterlife as he experiences the dome for the first time, and feels all sorts of emotions.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Decided to post again as I felt inspired! Thanks for all the support, especially a gift fic by Hotgitay, and all the lovely comments! Apologies in advance for another emotional chapter, but there are slices of happiness in it!

There's no concept of time in the afterlife, but when Lucas wakes up, Michael, Claire, his parents, and a tall, brown haired Latina woman he assumes is Mrs Herrera, are eating their second meal of the day. He also observes a mousy haired, bubbly young adult smiling and enjoying her meal with them. She's dressed in uniform, surprisingly, and the little badge on her chest reads "Molly." He chuckles at the fact that her idea of Heaven must include working, and as he does, she looks up at him. "Hey, Sir, I'm Molly McKee. I worked at the skyscraper downtown and I was trampled on during the evac at the fire, I went to hospital and… and I didn't have that many friends ... the ones I did aren't dead..anyway, your fighters really helped me and so I guess I'm here. It's weird, I know. But your parents especially have been so kind to me and I should really stop talking now." Her nature reminds him of Herrera and her rambling is not disimlar to Vic's.  
"It's lovely to meet you, Miss McKee. I'm sure we'll get on well." This was clearly the correct thing to say as his mother was smiling and nodding at him approvingly. Molly beams. "Thank you, sir!"

After they've eaten a hearty meal of pasta, made to each person's preference, Claire clears her throat and speaks up, "We should really show Luke."  
"Lucas, sir, Mrs Herrera, you can call me Mrs Herrera. I thank you for the opportunities you have given to my daughter as a Lieutenant. And I agree with Claire, dear, we need to show you the dome. A key part to life, or should I say death, here." He likes her gusto, and she has made him curious.  
"I'm ready." He says, mainly to himself.  
"Luke, will you be okay if your father and I miss this. I don't want to see your face when you see it." What? Lucas is really in anticipation now. Will it be scary? Or sad?  
"Yes, Mum, but I'm strong, I'll be alright." His father grins at his son's bravery. They head out, and Molly and Mrs Herrera follow. Claire leads him to a room, knowing that after what he sees, he'll never be alright again. Michael wants to be there for the Chief. Claire was there for him, and they had never met. 

\-----------------------------------------------------------------------  
"This is the dome," she begins, and he gets why it's called that. It's a wide room, decked out with several chairs, a sofa, and a Persian rug on the floor, the blue of his eyes. The chairs were face towards a clear dome shape, that looked made out of a sort of shimmery dust. "New York fashion show, 23rd January, 12:00." Claire requests, and the dome works as if a screen, displaying a model with blonde locks turning on the catwalk. So, it was like a video player? There was nothing odd or emotional about that. Michael turns to the Chief and Claire holds his hand. "Victoria Hughes, Seattle. 17:43, may 3rd." she breathes. Lucas realises just as the image appears what the dome actually is. Their connection to the living world. All that's ever happened or happening. What he's about to see. 

She's walking through the corridor after his death, tears in her eyes. She doesn't look human. She looks like she's ready to give up, stop caring. She's in so much pain she can't speak. Her face, her gorgeous face, is all messed up. His eyes are glued to the screen. His heart beats louder and louder and then the reaction comes. He doubles over and he screams. Screams at the top of his lungs. Screams in utter agony. Claire didn't expect it to be so bad. She can't think of what to do but hug him. She squeezes him tight until he's hoarse from shouting. "Travis Montgomery, same scene." Michael redirects the screen and regrets it immediately.

Vic was everything to Travis after Michael died. He was ready to stop trying but she came along in the form of an irritating, outspoken rookie, and slowly, she put the shattered pieces of him back together. They became friends, and then best friends, and then each other's favourite people alive. He knew how to braid her hair, he was surprisingly good at it; she knew Michael's recipes, she couldn't cook them to save her life. Whenever she had a bad day, he'd come round with some form of alcohol and an old romcom on DVD. And they'd get drunk and laugh and those days made Michael the happiest, seeing him like that. When it was his death day anniversary, Travis would only talk to Vic, after she sent him notes, under his bunk room door. 'you okay? - New Kid x'  
'No, but I've not been okay for a while now - T'  
'imma bring you food, and coffee. I'll leave it outside the door.- New Kid x'  
'thank you. - T x'  
Eventually he'd open the door and lean on her and cry till he was raw. Michael couldn't stand those days. But he was glad to know Vic would always be there for him. So seeing her lose someone, how he lost Michael, that really killed Travis. This was the one person in the world that he needed to be happy. She didn't deserve this. Michael agreed with his husband on that. That beautiful young girl didn't ever deserve this. 

"Michael?" Claire brings him back to reality. "I need you to be strong." He shakes his head out of it and looks at the Chief. He's crying now, hard. "I wanna see her, at the funeral." He gets out, his voice raspy.  
"Are you sure Luke?" Claire's pretty sure it'll break him.  
"I wanna see her." As Claire asks for Victoria Hughes, current time, Lucas braces himself. This was so unfair. But he needed to see her. 

He doesn't expect her to be in the middle of a heated argument with her best friend. He stops for a second and pays close attention. Michael too looks up and locks his eyes to the screen. The two don't look at each other though. It's like there's an invisible line, sides forming. "Nobody wants to go to a funeral! You are in denial!" Montgomery is firm with her, and then he processes why they're fighting. She doesn't want to go. She doesn't want to go. Because she thinks she means nothing to him. The irony of that because she's actually his everything somehow manages to make him laugh. It was a pained, raw laugh, but a laugh still, Claire notes. "Please go. I love you." He whispers, praying that by some miracle she'll get the message. He put his head in his hands.

Seconds later and she's yelling at Travis that he's still in denial over Michael. Lucas looks up to see Michael blink several times. Anger, confusion, sadness and understanding flash in his eyes. Luke gently places a hand on his knee, and the line goes away. "I'm so-"  
Michael shakes his head to say it's fine. "She didn't me-"  
"I know, and he asked her to let her feelings out onto him, it's just what she's doing."  
"He's a good best friend."  
"He is."  
The conversation ends unfortunately, with Vic screaming "shut up! Shut up!" And storming down the stairs. Luke knows they'll be okay. He knows that somehow she'll be at the funeral, someone or her own head will get through to her. And he knows how much those two care about each other. Like him and Sully. That, that makes him smile.  
\---------------------------------------------------------------------  
'God bless medical intern Dr Levi Schmitt!' Lucas thinks to himself later that day. His funeral starts in an hour. That brilliant, kind doctor from the flower shop bought her the flowers. His flowers. And told her what they meant. That she was the love of his life, she was the one he wanted to be with forever. And it registered in her beautiful mind. Luke hated that it hurt her to find this out but was so glad she did. She was gonna go, and be there with Jennifer. He missed Jennifer, she was the best sister you could ask for. She was so strong after his parents passing. Her and Victoria could be strong together.

You could divide the dome up, and Claire had spent the whole day watching Robert. She winced when she first saw him, attacking that punching bag, but she was proud of him. He took a day off, and spent it with Jen, to take care of her. He then came to the station and attempted to kindly persuade Hughes that she should go to the funeral, but he didn't push her. He asked Montgomery about euologies. She was happy he could talk about her with someone who'd gone through the same. He talked to Andy Herrera too. He was falling for her, she could tell. But she made him open up, she made him happy. So that was okay, whilst it hurt a little. She moved to sit next to Luke for the funeral. Vic came, and it made Luke's face light up a little, especially when she sat next to Jen. Robert then read his eulogy. It was beautiful. They were both crying by the end of it. Lucas' parents came and his mum rubbed his shoulders and Michael sat by Claire and held her hand. "We're all good. You were so good." Sully finishes, and Lucas stares at Victoria. She's broken, and he imagines himself with her, telling her that it's gonna be okay and feels better. He knows she will feel better too, she has so many people who love her and are going to guide her and whilst it's not now, he knows that someday, Sully will be right, it'll all be good. He'll see her again. And in the meantime, he was going to watch over her, not unlike a guardian Angel.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! Next chapter we'll fast forward a month and be in Vic's POV x


	3. A good day

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Vic has a surprisingly good day. Fast forwarded a month.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is a lot more happy, I think we all needed it. Please savour it, because the next chapter I have planned...

Lucas' death still hurt Vic every day, and she still missed him a lot, which was natural as it had only been a month. She often distracted herself with too much paperwork at the station. Filing. It was her comfort activity. It made her feel in control. But she was strong, and sometimes, the pain could be numbed without the Dewey Decimal system . Of course there were really bad days where even the slightest mention of his name had her in tears but today was a good day, which is why when Miller invited the team to a Houseboat party, she didn't just say yes, but 'Yes and I'll bring margarita mix.' 

Today, she was going to be present, physically and mentally. She picks out a new top to wear, tangerine coloured and warm, she couldn't bear to wear her old ones, they were Luke's favourites, and coupled them with fresh, grey jeans. She spritzes herself precisely 19 times with a DKNY perfume that the girls had bought her for her last birthday, and an extra 3 times with Lucas' cologne. She takes a quick look in the mirror and her phone buzzes.

'New Message from Trav x: I'll pick you up in an hour for the party?'  
'Sure x' she texts back and she smiles to herself, because this means she can get super drunk tonight and relax. 

\---------------------------------------------------------------------  
When Travis pulls up at the house, he hears music playing a little too loudly, and he instantly grins. She hasn't played any music since the Chief died. Today must be a good day. He uses his key to unlock the door because he doesn't want to stop the music, he doesn't want the sad and heartbroken version of his best friend to wake up. 

He chuckles as soon as he sees her. She's in the kitchen, half eating a sandwich, half performing Beyoncé's 'Single Ladies' with a hairbrush. She freezes as soon as she sees him, but then thinks better of it, raises her eyebrows and continues dancing like a maniac. He can't help but join in, he's missed happy Vic so much and 20 minutes later they're both laying face up on her couch in fits of giggles.   
"We need to go," He finally stops laughing, "to Dean's."   
"'Kay." She replies and they get into his car. She's so lively, he can't help but state at her as he drives.   
"What are you looking at, freckles?" She gives him a mock-threatening glare.   
"You're you again. You're stupid and sarcastic and singing and happy and… you."  
"I am not stupid! I take offence to that!" She exclaims in horror.  
"But in all seriousness, Trav," she lowers her voice a little, "I'm doing okay today. It's a good day. I don't get good days very often."   
"Yeah. Well, good days look good on you." She beams at this comment.   
\--------------------------------------------------------------------  
It's a no spouses, no girlfriend, no boyfriend sort of gathering. Just the team. The family. Unless of course you're Maya and Jack. They got lucky. And they loved a little PDA. Dean is making margaritas, and Vic's mix was being used as top up. Maya heads over to Jack and handed him a drink before whispering something in his ear. Jack snorts his drink out of his nose in laughter at whatever she said, and then goes all serious and kisses her. Vic thinks that whilst they're a surprising pair, they're very cute, and quite well suited to each other. She just hopes Andy remains cool with it, otherwise that would be a disaster. Dean happens to disagree on the cute part. "Okay, no kissing, please. This is a LUNCH party with FOOD. Besides, I have to listen to you two at night anyway and that's enough."   
"Too much information." Vic holds up her hands in disgust, and Trav chokes on his drink. 

Andy arrives next. "I am done with men." She announces as she strolls in, wavy brown hair flowing behind her. Her and Sullivan have been weird and angry since he cut her off during their first kiss. She'd only told Maya and Vic about it, but even an outsider could tell she was fuming. Vic thinks they just need to talk, calmly, and they'll be okay.  
"Congrats on joining the community," Maya winks at her, and Jack raises both eyebrows.  
"Not what I meant," She sighs, "I just, men are the worst. You're the worst!" She gestures furiously to Jack, Travis and Dean.   
"That's unfair," Travis points out, "Us gay men do not do anything to harm women."  
"Keep telling yourself that, Mr my female best friend had to get me out of jail in a very stressful process." Vic offers him a sarcastic smile. It was a long few weeks of lawyers, apologies and exhaustion. Travis gives her bambi eyes, and she smacks his head, but she's smiling.   
"Where are Ben and the captain? " Dean asks curiously, "they're late." Vic wonders that too. She hopes Sullivan's okay. He's been having bad days too recently.   
\-----------------------------------------------------------------------  
"Why am I not surprised to find you here, sir?" Warren looks earnestly at Sullivan as he pushes on the treadmill. In truth, he's testing his leg. It's been numb since that night with Andy. No feeling. He shouldn't have let it go on like this for a month, but in all honesty, he's scared. This job, it's his life. It's his coping method. It's his family, as he's discovered recently. It's Luke. He has to have his leg. He has to be physically strong. Emotionally, him and Andy aren't okay either. Every time he tries to talk, she brushes him off. The other day though, she cracked, she told him they were a mistake. That was worse that the ignoring. It hurt, bad. He was really falling for her. And some stupid force inside him compelled him to reply "That's fine, Herrera. It's not like I actually liked YOU." He saw her face fall apart, her heart stop, before she slammed the door on her way out. "Sir?"   
"I'm always here, Warren. What do you want?"   
"Jack and Dean, Captain. They're having a team party." Ben smiles. After medic one recommendations, him and Sullivan have been on good terms. And he wants to check he's okay. He was the Chief's best friend, after all.  
"And?" Sullivan replies gruffly, and Ben shifts uncomfortably. He shouldn't be hard on Warren. He's been a good friend to him lately, but he's not in the mood.   
"I just thought, wouldn't it be nice for you to come, hang out with us, sir?"   
"It's a bad day, Warren. I'm having a bad day." Sullivan opens up a little, and looks down at the floor.   
"Well, way I see it, all the more reason to come. Let's make it a good day, sir? That sounds good, dunnit?" Ben eyes are kind and concerned. Sullivan stops and thinks for a second. He wasted so much time, he thinks, on bad days with Luke. This was his chance.   
"Okay," He says gently, "I'll come."   
"Brilliant, sir. I'll give you a lift." Warren grins and turns to leave just as the captain says, "Thanks, Warren. How's it going with medic one? "  
"Still on probation. They're monitoring my calls now. Honestly sir, don't think I stand a chance anymore." His tone suddenly changed and he sounds really defeated.  
"Nonsense, Warren, they'll come around. Let's have a good day." He gets up, and like usual isn't ready for the feeling of feeling his foot, but not his leg. Today, he promises himself, he'll book an appointment today.   
\------------------------------------------------------ ------  
"Finally," Miller says as Ben and Captain Sullivan come through the doorway. Andy glares at Sullivan, but he simply says, "Andy. Let's have a good day. We'll glare at each other and talk later." She's a little taken aback, but nods and smiles a little. Dean sees an awkward silence coming so launches into "Okay, let's get this party started with a game of classic truth or dare." There's a rumble of approval and Vic can't help but be intrigued. "Jack," Miller starts, "truth or dare?"   
"Truth, man."   
"Is Bishop the best you've ever had?" Many heads shake at this moment, Sullivan making a "I'm not hearing this" gesture, and Maya looks at him pointedly, and then at Andy.   
"Don't look at me, it's his answer and I'm done with men." Sullivan glances at the floor, but shakes it off and looks back up again.   
"Definitely," he responds quickly, "it's fire, and that was an easy question." Vic grimaces at this a little but kind of loves that that was his response. Maya laughs and nods. The game is fun, and it's exposed that Dean's middle name is Eugene, the first person Maya came out to was her coach, Andy cheated on Ryan in high school by kissing another boy in the toilets, Travis knew his identity when he was 19 years old, and that Vic's first impression of 19 was that they were a bunch of fire snobs. In dares, Jack has to send a video message to Dylan pretending that he likes him and gets horribly rejected 'have some pride, dude, I'm going out with your friend. You had a chance. Blocking you.' Trav rushes to tell him it was a joke. Maya kisses Dean, on the cheek, but it's still awkward, and Travis eats a cupcake without hands. That's hilarious. Sullivan even calls Frankel to fake fire her, which no one expected him to do, but he laughs his head off as she swears and mutters about loyalty down the phone line. And then when Vic chooses truth again, Jack pushes her on her good day unexpectedly. It's only cause he knows she can handle it. "I want to know about your fire kiss with Ripley. Details, Hughes." He smiles, but everyone else looks at the floor. Travis places a hand on her knee. She amazes herself even by being strong enough to speak. 

"Long story short, the bar was shut, so we went to my place, for 'a conversation'. A conversation that consisted of "hey, you have beautiful eyes, if I can say that." And "You can say that because I'm saying that you're incredibly beautiful." And then I kissed him and it didn't feel weird or immoral or like I was kissing my boss, it felt alive and exciting and…right. It was good, yeah. Awesome. Telling you guys that wasn't awkward at all." 

Jack grins at her, and she notices that everyone else is smiling too. 

"You okay?" Jack whispers to her as they both grab a drink, "I only asked because you seem alright today, and I want you to look at those memories in a happier light."  
"Yeah, I'm good, Gibson, that was actually…really nice."   
"To memories and good days." He holds up his glass.  
"Memories and good days." The touch glasses and as Jack takes a sip he suddenly spits it out in disgust.   
"Awful margarita mix, Hughes. Awful."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please tell me what you think and what you'd like to see more of! Thanks so much for reading, I appreciate it.


	4. An Assumption

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nikki arrives and makes an assumption. Oh, Nikki.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the wait! I was very busy and wanted to get this perfect so it took ages, still don't know if it gives the right effect, please let me know what you think.

Everyone's a little tipsy by the time Kat arrives. She wasn't even sure she would go, but it was rude to pass up an invitation from a lieutenant whom she wanted to work for one day.   
"Kat, you came!" Andy exclaims, with over the top excitement in her voice as she opens the door to her.  
"You invited the rookie from training…to my houseboat!" Miller groans and Jack shakes his head.   
'Damn it,' Kat thinks, 'I'm not wanted here. I should go.' Her eyes turn toward the door and Vic, sensing what was on her mind, speaks up.  
"They're joking, rookie. Relax, have fun." Kat grins nervously and sits down next to Andy, who hands her a drink. She sips it tentatively and listens to the conversation.   
"You know,"The one she thinks is Maya says, a spark in her eyes, "23's response time has gone down to 10 minutes. 10 minutes!"   
"That doesn't sound legal." Montgomery, Vic's best friend, raises his brows, turning towards her. As he does, the sun reveals a host of golden brown freckles dancing on his cheeks, Kat notices.   
"Probably isn't. Outrageous, that is." Gibson, she recalls, says. His eyes don't leave Maya's, and his smile, looking at her, is something else.   
"Ugh, station 23 are the worst." Vic remarks, and just for a millisecond, Vic gets some pitiful eyes and a handful of brow furrows. Business she does not need to intrude on, Kat acknowledges.   
"Someone needs to get in there and fix them, man." Miller takes a swig of beer.   
"I'm just glad they didn't take away Maya." Andy says, and there's a murmur of agreement. Maya grins, and nestles into Jack's shoulder. It looks like the most natural thing in the world to her. It's odd because Kat never remembered Bishop as being particularly in touch with her emotions. She was more stern. There's a moment of thoughtful silence. 

"Shots!" Miller hollers suddenly, "Let's do some shots, baby! To celebrate that we're here as a team, at MY houseboat, having a blast!" His words are already a little slurred and he is shouting just a little too loudly.   
Yeah, sounds good man!" Jack's eyes twinkle in excitement.   
"I'm a little wary about getting drunk after the last time." Montgomery looks uncertain, but Vic turns to him,  
"Trav, I won't let you beat the life out of anyone, okay. Come on, get drunk with me!" He stops to notice her giddy, joyful expression before nodding his head. Warren texts Miranda and then replies, "I'm in."  
Maya nods, "Hell yeah!" And Andy also agrees.   
"Rookie?" She then asks, "Shots?" She nudges Kat encouragingly. As much as she wants to bond with this team, she really can't. "I have a shift in 4 hours, Andy."  
"Chickened out,I guess?" Jack tilts his head and raises his brows.   
"No," Kat repeats, "I have a shift in 4 hours."   
"Mm kay." Andy says before shouting "Let's get drunk, guys!"   
\-----------------------------------------------------------------------  
It's just passed 2 o'clock in the afternoon when Nikki shows up at the Houseboat.   
"Nikki?" Dean says, clearly concerned by her arrival, "Didn't we plan to meet later?" His eyes shift towards Maya, who has become unusually interested in her empty glass. That's slightly weird, Kat thinks. There's definitely history there. Jack squeezes his girlfriend's fingers. Maya may seem outgoing and sometimes a little stubborn, but she cares so much and is a good person, there's nothing Nikki can say to stop him loving her.   
"It is later, honey." Nikki smiles at the whole team, "But I can head out for a bit longer if you like."   
"She could stay." Maya's voice is what can only be described as wispy. Her eyes are clouded and her smile is thin, but you can tell she's trying.   
"Okay," Dean says gently, and Jack nods towards him, " We were just on our 3rd round of shots, care to join, Nikki?"   
"Sure, thanks a lot guys," Nikki sends an appreciative glance to Dean, Jack and even Maya. "Anyway, did you hear the news this morning? I thought you might've cause you're fire fighters and all. It's mad, if you ask me." 

The entire team freezes and looks up at Nikki anxiously. Andy checks her phone.   
"No!" She laughs, "Not that kind of news, more gossip." A selection of eye rolls are sent in her direction. 

"So," she begins, and the team looks at her in curiosity. Even Kat's pondering what it could be,"You know how your fire chief passed away recently, so sorry to hear that, turns out they got some dirt on him: he was sleeping with one of his subornidates. But get this, the girl, she wasn't even directly below him. He was her boss' boss' boss! The nerve she must've had-" 

It's as if a thick layer of shock, confusion, anger, and tension falls upon the team. Everyone appears to sober up in record time. Vic is pretty certain that her heart stops beating. She wills herself not to cry out. This was clearly not happening. A dream, or something like that. Travis looks as if he could murder someone and Jack lightly places his hand on his arm, although he looks cross too. Dean is in serious shock, as in, not moving, not blinking. Andy discovers a lump in her throat, and her nature of conflict resolution isn't proving useful. Ben's eyes fill with sorrow and discontent. And Sullivan, Sullivan is looking anywhere but this situation, trying to find a way out, desperate, and Kat wants to help him, but she knows she can't. She isn't even aware of what's going on. Why would that one piece of gossip affect the team so much? Unless, unless…

"Nicole, shut up." Maya's voice wavers. She looks a little distraught.   
"Listen, Maya, I'm just trying to lighten the mood: it's gossip. Don't be so on edge talking about the people at your work. I know you like to keep your personal life separate," she looks to Jack, "or did like, but you must have an opinion about this."   
"Nikki, let's talk about something else, maybe." Dean gives her a pleading look.  
"Not you too!" she moans, "Just let loose, it's not like anything said here will affect your work, you don't know her and he's dead, " Travis notices his best friend's eyes squeeze shut for a second whilst this is said, and he casually drapes his arm around her for comfort, "What do you think?"   
"I think they must've seriously loved each other, " Andy speaks up bravely, she should use this opportunity to say nice things about Vic and Ripley and divert from the negative, "to risk their careers for each other." Interesting perspective, Kat thinks. Almost insider perspective…  
"Really?" Nikki disagrees, "if you ask me, I don't care who she is or what she wants but she's a disgusting slut. You don't FALL IN LOVE with your boss. She probably just had no talent and wanted to sleep her way to the top."   
Vic bites down hard on her bottom lip. That really hurt. More than she thought it would; she shouldn't care, the people she loved didn't think that. But what if they all secretly did? What if they thought she was a disgusting slut too? All of America now did. The thought of that made her breath quicken and tears start to trickle down her face, but she hid it with a fake cough and sneeze and covered her face with a tissue. But Travis noticed. It was murdering him not to defend his best friend. She was his little sister, and she was not a slut. How dare she say that? The only thing keeping him restrained was the knowledge that Nikki didn't know it was Vic. But still, she should never assume that the girl was a slut. That was thoughtless. Vic's tears didn't go unnoticed by Kat either. 'Omigod.' Kat pieced it all together, 'it's Vic, and that girl is saying all those things and…' Kat genuinely believed that from Vic's personality she loved the chief, and was not a slut. She felt the team's same anger bubble up inside her.   
"And him, " Nikki began,  
"He was a lovely chief. May he rest in peace." Jack cuts across her.This was getting out of hand. He didn't want Vic listening to this trash anymore.   
"Maybe," Nikki ruthlessly continues, " but he slept with her too. What a dirty sleazebag."

This was Vic's breaking point. No one says a bad word against Lucas, especially since he's gone. "My fiancé was not a dirty sleazebag. And I'm not a slut. We were going to get married. Get married and eat stale bagels at our place forever. He'd want to honeymoon in Canada, but he knows I love beaches, so he'd take me to Hawaii. He's kind like that." She lets the tears roll down her cheeks fast now, and she collapses into her chair. She didn't even realise she'd been standing. Travis places both arms around her instantly, and she sobs into his shoulder. 

Nikki is dumbfounded. She just stands there, gaping. Jack frowns at her whilst Maya gives her a death stare. Dean looks very upset at this point and Kat notices Sullivan brush passed Warren and Andy as he stands up and walks towards Nikki.   
"You didn't know." He stands tall and the clarity in his voice doesn't even waver. "It's easy to assume. Now you do know, you can apologise."   
Nikki turns to Vic, "I'm sorry I didn't know it was you, Vic, but I can't take back anything I said. I don't believe that you loved your boss if you killed him."   
"What?" Travis exclaims, furious, "What a load of-" The whole team is mad with rage at this stage.  
"What on earth are you referring to?" Sullivan looks fierce, "Montgomery, please refrain from attacking her. Yet."   
"Is it not true that he left the hospital to find you? And that you didn't return any calls because you were being stubborn? Vic?"  
"I," Vic's voice is thick with tears, "I thought we were done. I was upset and decided to focus on work. It broke to think he might die. I felt sick with guilt, I-"   
"If you really loved him, you would have checked your phone. You wouldn't have bombared yourself with work and turned away if it meant anything to you. You are a slut, sleeping with your boss and not caring about him. Sorry, but it's the truth I believe." 

Vic gets up, legs wobbling, and walks slowly into Jack's bedroom. She looks back, one last time, and whispers, "I was in love with him. I still am." before slamming the door. 

"Nicole, do you want to explain yourself?" Maya is fuming, "You cannot just make assumptions and voice them so vigorously."   
"I think I can, Maya. I had facts. With enough sources agreeing to be published. Besides, she's pals with you no wonder she's a slut."  
"Hey!" This really gets to Jack, "Do not take out the fact that you made a mistake on Maya. That's on you. Not her. You two are in the past."   
"She's not worth it." Maya looks Jack in the eyes, asking him to please drop it, and he does.   
"Please, I think it's best if you go." Andy can't believe what just happened.   
"Yes." Sullivan agrees.   
"Don't make things worse for yourself." Warren advises harshly.  
"Dean!" Nikki is apalled, "Stick up for me, they're being horrible! I was just voicing my belief and-"   
"No." Dean says coldly, "Leave."   
Just as she unlocks to door, Travis grabs her by the arm. Jack gives him a look, but he shakes his head. He's not going to hurt her.

"She was having a good day."


	5. My Fault, Your Fault, No one's fault

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We discover what happened between Nikki and Maya, and Sullivan tells Andy what actually happened. Vic has a visitor.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay! A second post in a week! You guys, in advance, I'm really sorry. This was supposed to be a lighter chapter but I wrote from the heart and ended up crying twice whilst writing some parts. Whoops. Hope you enjoy it though. P.S. thank you so much for all the comments and kudos. It really means the world.

Maya almost smiles when she walks in to check on Vic an hour after Travis went in to find that she's fast asleep. She looks happy like that. Perhaps she's dreaming about the chief. She knows she's happy when she dreams about Jack. Maybe a little too happy…

"She cried herself to sleep. It was very emotionally draining for her." Travis is sitting at the edge of the bed, and he looks worriedly between Vic and Maya. The reality of the situation catches up with her.  
"I'm sorry." Maya whispers. She sits down next to him.  
"It's not your fault. At all."  
"I feel like it is. I made Nicole all bitter and cruel like that."  
"You did?" His warm, honey eyes allow her to give in.  
"Yeah. I was so,busy with training for the Olympics and training for here that I almost forgot her. Forgot she was in my life."  
"Did you…?" He asks softly  
"No. I noticed what I was doing and I tired. I tried to spend more time with her, talk to her but she couldn't even support me a little. She told me to choose: running or fire cadets. I couldn't. They're my two favourite things in the world. Earning medals and saving lives makes me happy. Eventually, I got tired. I was fed up of her complaining. I made an effort but it was barely acknowledged. So,there was this girl, Amber, from training. She flirted with me, and I flirted back. Just flirted. She tried to kiss me once but I stopped it. Nicole found out and was furious. She was so mad, as revenge, she slept with the first person she could find: a boy who her sister had a long time crush on. Not only did I ruin Nicole, I ruined her family."  
"Maya, you can't put that all on you. She made mistakes too, you both did. The difference is you tried. Not just then, but now, you put Dean's happiness first, you ignored all that history, but she didn't. She had a go at you earlier. "  
"You are right." She looks at him in gratitude, "and I've apologised countless times but she never did, not once."  
"See?" He glances at Vic, who looks angelic, "I'm just mad she messed up her healing."  
"Me too."  
"Me three," Dean pokes his head round the door, "Bishop, I don't know who's fault it was your relationship with Nikki failed, maybe it was neither of you, but Montgomery's right. You put me first. She didn't. Thank you."  
"It's okay, sorry you two didn't work out. Besides all our history, Nicole's a really nice person." Both Dean and Travis give her looks, "Sometimes." She adds, and Dean agrees.  
"I really did like her but I can't be with someone who doesn't get on with my family. You guys are everything to me." he concludes. Maya allows herself to smile and Travis rests his hand on Dean's shoulder in support.  
\----------------------------------------------------------------------  
"Andy," Sullivan sees the horrified look on her face and instantly wants to comfort her.They are standing on the deck, overlooking the sea. If they weren't in argument, one could argue the setting was quite romantic. "It took guts, to say what you said. You did the right thing. Luke would approve."  
She looks at him and can see from his eyes that he genuinely wants to make her feel better. "Thank you. I'm just so shocked, I never expected-"  
"Neither did I. I expected her to apologise as soon as she knew she was in the wrong but, some people are-"  
"Absolutely nuts."  
"That's a way of wording it, yes." She laughs, and in that single moment of happiness, she recalls how much she loves talking with him, how he opens up to her. She misses his constant sarcasm, they way he raises his brows in amusement, his accent, his smell of decade old cologne. She was finally ready to talk.

"What, what happened, Robert? To us? I mean, I lied before, I still care about you, a lot, but you-"  
"I care, Andy." This is his chance, and he is not going to screw it up. What would Luke say to him, " if you love her, just tell her, mate." 

"I am falling for you, I care." He repeats, with even more certainty this time.  
"That day, you, how am I meant to just forgive you and forget, Robert? Then later, you explicitly said you don't care about me. I can't be in another off - and- on relationship!" 

"The reason I stopped that day was not because I don't love you, it wasn't even because of Claire, I think, I think she'd want me to move on, now. The truth-"  
"Yes?" There's a small part of Andy that explodes when he says 'not because I don't love you.' She prays he has a killer explanation so she can just be with him already.  
"My leg. Andy, I lost feeling in my leg. That I hurt. It was numb, no movement. I was scared. Truth be told, I was terrified. I couldn't tell you. You'd worry."

This is a lot to take in. Andy's eyes widen and she can't quite process it. He cares. He cares about her. 

"It was your leg, and you didn't want me to freak," she finally gets out, "Not because you don't love me. Or care. Can I trust you?"  
"Yes. Please, Andy, I haven't felt like this since Claire." He is just so happy and relieved that she knows. He is secretly ecstatic she feels the same way.  
"Your leg!" It dawns on Andy and suddenly she feels overwhelmed, "Oh my god. Are you okay?"  
"I've booked an appointment. For Tuesday."  
"Robert Sullivan, are you telling me you hadn't already booked one?"  
"I was scared." He states again. He can't help but chuckle at her ferocity .  
"You-I am coming to that appointment! And I am making sure you stick to the treatment plan if I have to literally strap you to the bed on rest!" Then realising what she just said, she looks at him playfully, and curls a lock of hair on her finger. He can't describe how she makes him feel, he just wants to confide in and be with her all the time. It's electric.

"Next time, please tell my if anything's wrong, Robert. I-I didn't speak to you for a month."  
"I know. You are very stubborn." He smirks at her, a glint in his eyes.  
"You embarrassed me! You deserve it! It's your own fault!" She retorts, before kissing him, hard. She tastes like cherry lip balm, with a little red wine and smells like fresh textbooks and watermelon, and he soaks her in as the waves crash around them.  
\----------------------------------------------------------------------  
Vic wakes up to the smell of pizza. She takes a whiff and looks up to see Travis, Maya, Warren, Dean and Jack all sitting on a surface in the bedroom, from the armchair to the small desk, chewing and chatting. She suspects she knows where Sullivan and Andy are, and is glad they worked out their differences.  
"Did what I think happen before I went to sleep actually happen?" She questions straight away.  
"Yeah," Travis looks at her apologetically, "Sadly it did."  
"Food?" Warren offers her a slice, and she accepts it gratefully.  
"So the whole of America thinks I'm a slut? Yay."  
"We don't." Jack's eyes are full of concern and honesty.  
"We think you're a girl who fell for a guy." Dean adds, nodding towards her.  
"And probably had great adult parties with said guy but that wasn't the only reason you were with him." Maya smiles at her.  
"You all definitely think that?" She needed to hear this. She needed to feel secure and stop doubting. Nikki had made her feel alone, and dirty and as if she deserved the pain.  
"Definitely. We are with you, 100%." Travis hugs her.  
"Well then," She is being brave. She is making Luke proud. "I'm fine. If the people I really love are don't think badly of me, then Nikki and the rest of the country can shove it."  
"That's my girl." Maya grins now.

"And Lucas, he knows I love him too." She is slowly regaining her confidence. "Because I did. I do. Very much."  
"He does. I'm sure Michael is currently stopping him from escaping from Heaven to kill Nikki." Travis' face when he talks about Michael. It's of all the love in the world but faded, ready to remember him and move on. She wonders if she'll ever get there with Lucas.  
"Trav, if there was a way to escape from Heaven, right now, Michael would be cooking us dinner, and the kitchen would smell great, and Lucas would be passed out on the couch because he doesn't often drink more than a couple glasses but didn't wanna seem rude in front of my friends. And Andy's mum would be making food for Captain Herrera right about now too. And every patient Warren or Dr Bailey has ever lost would be sending thank you cards to them, for trying."  
Everyone suddenly falls quiet, and Vic can see the tears in her best friend's eyes so she wipes them, and Maya grips Jack's hand tightly, because it's obvious he's thinking about whether his mum and dad are in Heaven too. Dean looks out the bedroom window, and Warren closes his eyes. 

Just then the doorbell rings just then, breaking the silence, and Jack rushes to open it. It's safe to say he's surprised at who it is.  
"I need to see Hughes, please." He leads the guest straight to the bedroom and pulls up a chair for her.  
"That won't be necessary." She precedes to sit on the edge of the bed. And is about to greet everyone when everyone in the room appears to question at once.  
"Chief Frankel?" "Chief?" "Ma'am?" "Battalion Chief Frankel….?"  
"Okay, shut up, the lot of you, and close your mouths you all look like fish. I'm here to talk to Hughes."  
"Yeah?" Vic asks. She ponders what Frankel could possibly have to say to her. That's a lie. She doesn't. She knows if it's Frankel, it's about Lucas or her job. But mostly Lucas. She hasn't told anyone, but she saw Frankel in tears at the funeral and went to ask her and turns out, her and Luke were really close. She wasn't even judgy about them because Lucas had all ready told her how much he loved her.  
"It was my fault. I apologise. To you, and Luke."  
"What was?"  
"The news, Vic." Everyone else in the room tenses up a little at both mention of the news and Frankel calling Vic her first name.  
"You? I don't understand?" Vic sincerely hopes nothing deliberate happened; she though her and Frankel were getting along recently.  
Frankel doesn't even attempt to stop the angry sobs that leak from her mouth. "Damn PR department. Thought you two were some kind of show they could sell for money. Stuff them! It took him three bloody tries to find the love of his life and he doesn't get to spend more than a few months with her and they sell it like a show? They sell it like a show? 'You idiot, Ripley! You slept with a subordinate! That's your career!' That's what I said. 'Debbie, ' he told me, 'I am in love with Victoria. I love her. Deb, I would die for her. I would die before I let anyone hurt her.'"  
"It's okay." Vic manages before bawling her eyes out. That last bit was too much. Before long, her, Frankel and Travis are all enveloped in a hug and just crying.  
"Screw it, that's beautiful." Maya says before she let's the tears run. Jack holds her and Dean links arms with Warren who is silently crying too.

An hour later after all the emotion and tension and exhausation has been released, Jack escorts Frankel out but just before she leaves she says in barely a whisper "Bye to you as well Luke, look after your wife. See you tomorrow at work."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't know whether to stick with Vic or go to my Lucas POV next chapter? What would you guys prefer?


	6. Sorry guys

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> pls read

Hey guys, thanks for all of the support I've gotten for this story so far but I'm sorry to say that I've been watching Grey's anatomy for the first time over the past few months and I'm so caught up in those characters and story that I've lost a lot of inspiration for this story. Also, I like sticking to canon, and whilst greys season 16 hasn't aired in the UK yet, (Come On!) I heard some spoilery rumours that Vic moves on. Which I don't yet understand as I haven't seen it. I hope to come back to this fic one day. 

p.s. JudoAly I love the good place!

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks so much for reading, what do you think? Update coming soon. Btw still getting the hang of this so sorry if the formatting's a bit dodgy;)


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